I’ve finally given myself a bit longer to write one of these posts, so I’m going to explore a topic I find particularly interesting, in the hope that I can take this opportunity – which I rarely afford myself – to actually consider it in adequate depth, and maybe even come close to doing it justice.
The topic in question is asymmetry. I think august has some interesting elements of asymmetry on its own, but I think it’s particularly clear when viewed in conjunction with cardigan and, to an extent, betty (although being from the perspective of the man, the latter is a bit less useful here, I think).
In august, it’s clear that the narrator is smitten with her lover. It’s an unfortunate circumstance: in the canon of the song – known as the “teenage love triangle” – august is written from the perspective of a summer fling, while James (the man) subsequently returns to his longer-term partner, Betty (after whom the song is named, and who narrates cardigan). Within august, we can see the narrator’s affection quite clearly. The second line, “I never needed anything more”, ostensibly refers to the setting described in the opening line (the infamous “salt air and rust on your door”), but clearly also relates to James. It’s also a level of affection which is new to her – at least, that’s how I interpret the “Never have I ever before” in response to “Are you sure?”. To me, it sounds like the narrator saying that she’s certain of her feelings in a way she’s never previously been.
In contrast, James’ feelings are almost entirely absent from the song. In fact, almost the only insight we have into his feelings is a question from the narrator: “Will you call when you’re back at school?” In some ways, it tells us nothing, but it also tells us everything. Even at her most hopeful, the narrator needed to question whether her feelings were reciprocated. As she knows by the timeof the song, they were not. We only hear one word which could be attributed to James, and that’s “us” – in the context of “So much for summer love, and saying ‘us'”. We don’t even really know for sure that this is his word, or if it was only hers.
In this way, I think august is almost as much about what’s absent as what’s present. The enormous absence – the hole at the heart of the song – is James. The song is about him, and yet he barely features. In a sense, he only exists in the mind of the narrator. He says nothing; he does nothing; he’s totally missing. This absence is most obvious when compared with cardigan.
In cardigan, James really isn’t present. The song shares a great deal with august – it seems that James really was just Like That, and he certainly new how to pick his lovers – but it’s different in some really important ways. Even from the first verse, James really is there: dancing under streetlights, and putting his hand under the narrator’s sweatshirt. The characters are actually having experiences together, and making memories – not just the hazy impression of a memory within august, but a real series of events. The reality and tangibility of these memories seems to speak to the reality of the relationship itself.
There’s also the presence of how James actually made Betty feel, and how – although he was clearly imperfect – he actually had a tenderness, perhaps even a kindness, to him:
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan
Under someone’s bed
You put me on and said I was your favorite
There’s also a certainty to Betty’s knowledge of James. Where the narrator of august1 is asking questions about what James is going to do, and trying to find certainty, Betty is reflecting on her knowledge – real knowledge – of James:
But I knew you
Playing hide-and-seek and
Giving me your weekends, I
I knew you
Your heartbeat on the High Line
Once in twenty lifetimes
It’s not unambiguously positive, and there’s clearly a brokenness in their relationship – maybe even a level of asymmetry here too, given her reference to him “giving” her his weekends, rather than the two of them sharing their weekends with each other. But there’s a solidity, too, and a confidence that she really did know him.
I think Betty is also more willing to acknowledge the hurt that James has caused her by running away with the narrator of august. Where august is a melancholic but ultimately nostalgic song about hope and optimism for a love which couldn’t last, cardigan holds frustration, maybe even anger: “You drew stars around my scars / But now I’m bleeding”.
To complete the set, we have James’ perspective, as presented in betty. There are a few places where the asymmetry of James’ August entanglement come through: first, when he refers to it as “just a summer thing”, and second, when he says to Betty that he “Slept next to her, but / I dreamt of you all summer long”. Maybe there’s a dishonesty here; he’s trying to win Betty back, and we have no way of really knowing whether he means it, or whether he’s just downplaying his feelings. But, ultimately, he’s swallowed his pride – at least a little bit – by turning up at Betty’s house, knowing that she may turn him away. Regardless of how strongly he really felt, august and betty are in agreement that he didn’t feel as strongly as august‘s narrator.
betty also paints august‘s narrator in a somewhat uncharitable light; she’s described as “a figment of my worst intentions”. However, she does also get her confirmation of something: James references the moment she drove to meet him and told him to get in the car. I think this introduces a slight ambiguity into the scenario. In august, the outro opens with a question:
But do you remember?
Remember when I pulled up and said “Get in the car”?
In context, this question takes on a deeper meaning – it becomes a proxy for “do you remember what we had? Was it real?” By referencing this moment, James seems to be answering: “Yes.”
Sadly, I don’t think any of us are strangers to asymmetry in relationships, nor to the ways in which we can trick ourselves that they’re balanced after all. The narrator alludes to this: “I remember thinking I had you”. Maybe this is also part of the meaning of “wanting was enough / For me, it was enough”.
Even with hindsight, it feels like she can’t totally let go of the idea that whatever actually happened, he at least felt something too. The outro opens with an almost defiant “But do you remember?”, as if looking for some acknowledgement that their romance took place, and that it was real. But it falls back down as quickly as it rose, with the acknowledgement that the narrator went to James – not the other way round – and that she cancelled her plans just in case he’d call. That said, yearning and unrequited love on this level can be almost embarrassing, so maybe admitting it in this way doesn’t actually undermine the defiance of the initial question – public vulnerability is itself an act of strength, rather than weakness.
I saw a tweet recently saying, in the spirit of the song, that just because it’s August doesn’t mean you should cancel plans just in case he calls. The replies were unequivocal, and they speak to the truth inherent in the yearner’s mindset: if it’s at that point, it’s already too late. A yearner in love with someone who doesn’t love them back is a wooden boat in a maelstrom. All they can do is hope that the sea doesn’t destroy their boat beyond repair.
- I should probably have mentioned this sooner, but I can’t bring myself to refer to her as “Augusta” or “Augustine”. I just can’t. I think it’s super weird: we don’t know her name, so why pretend? I know Taylor thinks of her by those names, but I don’t see any reason to adopt that. So I’ll just keep saying “the narrator”. Stilted, perhaps, but I don’t care. ↩︎